The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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