My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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