Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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