They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
