shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
