I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My vagina is officially offended.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
