So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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