There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
