bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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