somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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