That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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