Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
