I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Gay?
German.
Pity.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
