Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
