I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize