You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
