Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize