When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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