I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
