Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
