Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
