You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
