i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
