I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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