Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
