Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
