Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
