just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
