you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
