Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
