we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
