Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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