you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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