margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
