You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
