well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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