I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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