Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
