Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
