Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
