and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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