I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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