and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
