also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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