They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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