On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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