we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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