Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
