just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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