things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
did i just pee glitter
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
