Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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