i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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