Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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