2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This house was built for laser tag.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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