We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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