She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
