u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
