he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This house was built for laser tag.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
