I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My balls are so social today.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
