Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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