Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
