worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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