I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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