Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
