My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
