you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
