so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Boobs speak an international language.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
