I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
