I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I fill condoms, not promises.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
