I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize